If you’ve never had the pleasure, take a second and look up “Glengarry Glen Ross monologue” on YouTube. For this short scene, Alec Baldwin won a place in the heart of sales managers and scrappy go-getters everywhere.

Lucky for us, there is no Cadillac el Dorado, steak knives, or firings taking place. Unlucky for us, that short video may be more sales training than any entertainer gets when they start on the job.

No wonder it can feel so impossible to close sales. With no direction, no information, and no idea if you’re doing it right on wrong, dancers are often left to rely on their own intuition.

Here’s the thing about our “intuition”: we’ve been taught to be submissive, to avoid conversations about money, to agree instead of negotiate and to make ourselves smaller our whole lives. Our social identity is often scripted for us.

We are supposed to be “seduced” and courted, but we aren’t meant to flip the script. It’s unladylike, or “slutty” or “dirty” to approach multiple people, have multiple partners, or demand payment or resources. At least that’s what our grandmothers and mothers were taught- and what we may have learned from everyone around us. Luckily, this dynamic is very openly changing- but not quickly enough. 

And if you’re in the adult entertainment industry you see effects of these outdate expectations everywhere. Customers worried about “saving” you or “getting you out” of the industry. Trolls and other deeply misguided and hurt people who make a hobby out of disrespecting or trying to get a rise out of entertainers.  Clients that may violate boundaries, disrespect us, or cut off relationships with us because they can’t get through their heads that we are entitled to our own sexuality, power, and independence. And people upset that they don’t get to decide how, when, or for how much we engage with them. What we also see is a lot of entertainers that openly or unconsciously keep bringing in these harmful beliefs into the industry. Just a few examples: 

-      Believing you can’t approach, shouldn’t engage, or don’t deserve to be paid. These often sound like “I don’t want to inconvenience him,” “he might not be able to afford it,” “I just don’t want him to see me sit with someone else,” or “another dancer deserves his money, but not me.”

-      Believing you’re not working a “real job.” While not many dancers would say that out loud, actions speak much louder than words. Showing up every day without goals, purpose, or targets, constantly relying on substances and alcohol to do your “job,” refusing to improve your skills, relying on “luck” instead of skill, and spending shifts at the bar, the locker room, spreading gossip, or creating drama from customer interactions are all signs of unprofessionalism. Another example of this is “I won’t be in this industry my whole life,” or “I’ve got bigger goals than this.” While those things may be true, they’re also true for every one of your co-workers. Someone who retires by dancing is not in this industry their whole life, and everyone in our industry has “bigger goals.” It’s why we’re all putting on the heels and getting on the floor. So stop using these lines to excuse lazy habits at the club or to try to shade dancers who are here and getting theirs. These lines often get thrown around to justify less than responsible behavior, or to try to put down dancers who may be here for a full career- and who are getting the most out of every day on the job. 

-      Believing your area of the industry is “better” or “less shameful” than other professions. This one is rampant at the strip club, and truly misguided. For more on this, read “What Happens in the Back?” The short and long of it is: if you think you’re better than someone because of what area of the industry you work in, or if you don’t believe that stripping is sex work, you’ve got some learning to do. Sex, sexuality, and sensuality aren’t dirty, and getting paid for whatever work fits in your boundaries isn’t wrong or shameful.  Our work is deeply tied into pleasure, sexuality, sensuality, and without those elements we’d just be an overpriced sports bar. It’s nothing to run away from or to feel guilt over. And it’s definitely not something to try to use against other people in your industry! Here’s what this sounds like at the club. “I bet she does more in the back,” “I’m tired of these h**s ruining the industry,” “at least I’m not selling p*ssy,” “I’m not a stripper, I’m a DANCER/ENTERTAINER, we’re DIFFERENT,” etc.

-      To be clear, you’re welcome to call yourself whatever you want, to have whatever boundaries work for you, and you deserve to work in a safe, comfortable, and respectful space. And when you walk around trying to compare yourself to others, demeaning the boundaries of others, or trying to establish some kind of moral superiority inside or outside of the club—you’re hurting yourself, and you’re hurting everyone around you.

-      Believing that to make money you have to be “demure,” “cute,” “delicate,” or embarrassed to talk about money! This is your business and the club is your house. Waiting for customers to bring up money, sitting around for free because you don’t want to hear “you’re just here for the cash,” or “you’re just a stripper trying to scam me” may be signs that you’ve internalized the beliefs these customers are spewing. Of course you’re here to get paid! Of course you’re here “just for the money.” They’re here just to look at beautiful people that wouldn’t give them the time of day anywhere else—and what?

This has everything to do with your closes, and with how you’re bringing in money at the club. The way many of us have been indoctrinated directly runs against what we need to do to thrive as salespeople. To close deals we have to be assertive. We have to be more sure than our customers- and we have to be unafraid to communicate that to them. This is why just learning lines is not enough to change your income over the long term. Lines are a way to grow your confidence, but they are not your core beliefs. If you believe that your customers are more right than you are, that you don’t deserve a seat at the table, and that you are at the whim of “luck,” “fate,” or “the law of attraction,” or that your lack of income is the fault of other members of your industry, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Being a top salesperson will not happen if you leave the hard sales because they’re uncomfortable. It is impossible to grow professionally if you refuse to confront your customers’ objections head on. And it will emotionally wear you down if you don’t learn to separate your self-worth from your nightly earnings, or if you try to give yourself “bonus points” for being more sanctimonious or having different boundaries than your co-workers.

Learn to ask for more. 

Learn to appreciate your job for what is it, and for what it can do for you.

Learn to appreciate your colleagues and to collaborate instead of competing.

Learn how to handle the voice in your head that’s telling you you’re not enough, or that you can’t win in this industry, or that you are “bad” or “sinful,” or a “failure” by doing this job.

Over the long run, changing these core beliefs and asserting your own boundaries, demands, and needs will help you close far more deals than any single line.