Oh, boundaries.

In the club, boundary conversations happen every single shift, and not just between us and customers.

Boundaries also come up between dancers, with management, and of course, with ourselves. 

This course is about having some quick responses to boundary objections, but I also wanted to include some quick scripts and exercises to think through boundaries outside of the high-pressure, high-stakes feeling of the club.

Lines for Setting Boundaries

The line:

Since it’s our first time back here together, let’s go by the two-tap rule.

If I start to do something that goes past your boundaries or makes you uncomfortable, please tap me twice and I’ll stop immediately. 

Please do the same back - so, if I tap twice, that means stop. 

Why I like it:

Because it makes boundaries feel like a two-way conversation, which they are.  In my experience, the more a boundary conversation sounds like a lecture or a warning, the less customers stick to it and the more they act like we’re in conflict.

I also have this boundary conversation before working with any other dancer at the club - just because someone else is in the industry doesn’t mean they have the same boundaries you do! 

No one deserves to be shamed because of their boundaries, and no one should have to go past their boundaries to be paid.  

The Line:

You: So, what are your boundaries?

Him: I don’t have any boundaries

You: ok, so you’re all in for anything? Group stuff? Stuff with other men? Hooks and claws?

Him: “no no no no! That’s not on the table!!”

You: alright, so you do have boundaries! I hear you.  How about this - we’ll figure out the things I like and the things you like, and do the things we both like.  Anything one of us is uncomfortable with, we put off the table.

Why I like it:

Because a lot of times customers don’t have thoughtful boundary conversations outside of the club, or they assume that because they’re paying for time, they’re paying for us to have no boundaries.

Reminding them that they do have boundaries, and they wouldn’t change their boundaries if someone offered them hundreds or even thousands of dollars sets the tone that they can’t expect you to change yours. 

The Line:

“Ouch! That hurts! I know those look like they’re for playing with, but that’s actually really really sensitive.  I like it way more when you touch me here….”

Why I like it: 

Because it’s about what makes me feel really good! 

And because most other reasons I give customers, they have a comeback for.  Ready?

They can argue about:

• 
  Club rules: “I know they do that at this club, you can’t tell me it’s not allowed!”
• Management: “I know the manager, he doesn’t mind!”
• Pricing: “For that much, you should do this or this!”
• Someone else’s boundaries: “Well, the last dancer I paid that much to did this…” 

But they can’t argue with what I like, need, or enjoy! 

And most customers will, deep down in their grizzly Grinch hearts, respond positively when I ask them to make things feel better.  

And finally, the most powerful and awesome line against customers who just won’t budge on boundary pushing

The Line: *walk away*

Why I like it: because my inner peace and wellbeing is worth more than what’s in his wallet, guaranteed! 

Now, you might be wondering - if I walk away from every customer asking about boundaries, won’t I lose out on lots of customers?

You will! Which is why in the rest of this section we’ll work on making it work with the vast majority of customers - who will still ask about boundaries, but will also make some effort to be respectful of yours.

The reason I love practicing lines and getting past so many other customer objections like “maybe later,” or “you’re not my type,” is because if I can get more and more customers to buy from me, then I have more power to walk away when the not good customers come around.

When the real a#$holes show up who don’t want to respect my boundaries and don’t care about stopping when I tap twice, I have made enough sales in my week/month/year that their rude, disrespectful money is no good here! 

Please remember that walking away is always an option. 

With all that in mind, let’s get some lines under our belt to handle boundary objections.

We’ll start first with some boundary objections that aren’t about us…they’ve actually got to do with boundaries customers are asking us to respect.  

Some of these may be used as excuses and have no validity to them, but it’s still a delicate line to walk, and it’s only fair that if we’re asking customers to respect our boundaries, that we do a decent job returning the favor.